Back to work
As much as I was really looking forward to starting a new job and getting back to work after 5 and half months maternity, I was completely dreading leaving my little newborn (well she was 5 and a half months but I felt like I had just had her). I was breastfeeding Hattie at the time so to start with I had to seriously think if I continue to feed her on boob without actually being around for her. I tried to start pumping lots more to stock up on milk so that I could continue to give her the ‘good stuff’. WOW….I just really couldn’t get enough milk out…I was pumping morning, afternoon and evening and I was getting so upset that I was only getting 2 onze a time. I was fighting with my emotions and starting to face the reality that it was pretty much impossible for me to get back to work, pump and feed Hattie all at the same time.
After speaking with my partner we decided that the best option for us as a family and for me heading back to work was to start weaning Hattie onto the bottle and on to formula milk. I literally went into MELTDOWN! How attached I had become to being the sole feeder to Hattie… how close I could keep her and how she NEEDED me. It took me days to stop crying every time I gave her a bottle. All my family were so excited that they could finally feed her and get some extra bonding time. My heart strings pulled every time I watched her feed with someone else. Did she not need me anymore??
My first day at back to work arrived and I was so anxious, not just about a new workplace but how was I going to leave the house on time? How was I meant to get myself ready and then Hattie in an hour? Plus, I had to remember nappies, change of clothes, medicines, bottles and the list goes on. I arrived at mums with everything apart from the kitchen sink with me, I didn’t want to hang around as my voice was shaky and I was on edge. I quickly gave Hattie a kiss and waved goodbye while a single tear dropped from my eye. My mum tried asking if I was OK and hugging me but I ran out the door and continued to cry all the way to work. What an emotional roller coaster!! Back to work really isn’t easy at all!
The next step for me is leaving Hattie at nursery, I was bad leaving her with my loved ones but leaving her with strangers is going to be a different story altogether. Sweaty Mama team please have tissues and chocolate at the ready!